Okay, so I heard this joke the other day and I'm not sure how to deliver it in writing rather than speaking, but I'll give it a shot 'cause it makes me LOL.

Here it goes:

Deng Xiaoping and Mao Zedong were flying back over the Pacific from a state visit to Australia, when their plane's engine sputtered and died. Their pilot managed to crash land the plane on a small island but died in the crash. It was just the two of them left. They stood on the beach, wondering what to do next, when they heard people approaching from the jungle behind them.

"Hello," said a man who was obviously the leader of the small band. "You've crashed on our island, yes? How unfortunate." He surveyed the two men and continued.

"It is very unfortunate for you, in fact, because we are cannibals. However, today is a holiday and it is our custom to show mercy on this day, so we will give you both one chance to prove yourselves. If you succeed, we will supply you with a boat and maps so that you may find your way back to where you came from. If you fail, we will certainly have to kill and eat you. We will give you two tasks. If you complete them successfully you have my word that you can go."

Mao and Deng readily agreed to the arrangement.

"Okay," the leader continued. "For your first task, you must go into the jungle and find twelve fruits that look exactly the same, and bring them back to us. You will go separately."

So Mao and Deng split up and each went into the jungle separately.

Deng wandered for awhile, following a small stream. Eventually he found some vines, and hanging from the vines were bunches of grapes. Aha! he thought, and picked twelve grapes, then headed back to the beach where the cannibals waited. He showed the leader his grapes, and the leader nod his head and smiled.

"Excellent, you have completed the first task. Now for the second. You are to put each of these fruits up your ass, and as you do so, you must not cry out or make any noise whatsoever. If you do, we will kill you immediately, but if you remain silent, you will be freed.

Not one to waste time, Deng began his task. One after another grape went up his ass. It was uncomfortable and embarrassing to a great degree, but he did not cry out. He was just about to shove the last one in, with the leader watching his face intently, when Deng gave a sudden shout, and began to laugh until tears streamed down his face.

"How unfortunate!" cried the leader. "You were doing so well. Before will kill you, you must explain. What went wrong?"


"I just saw that Mao had come back." Deng wiped his eyes and smiled. "He was carrying twelve pineapples!"

Alright, so, wow. My job FINALLY ended. No more teaching! No more making kids stand in the back of the room, no more shouting myself hoarse, no more incompetent admins making me put on the "funny foreigner" show so they can steal money from eager parents. On the other hand, no more hugs, no more oranges, no more spontaneous shoulder rubs from six year olds while I'm setting up the computer. No more "hello"s or "teacher I love you"s, no more adorably awkward handshakes from kids who don't do handshaking in their culture, no more signing "autographs," no more "teacher! he ees peeg!", no more silly/naughty bathroom humor from juniors.

( So yeah, um, bittersweet? I guess that's what you'd call it. )

Oh boy, am I sick of teaching.
Don't want to make a lesson plan.
Don't want to make myself hoarse shouting at kids to shut up all day every day.
Don't want to deal with the fact that the kids had to make up classes all weekend, so they're bound to be extra misbehaved this week.
Don't want to make another dang powerpoint or pull some stupid game out of my hat to entertain 40 some-odd kids every hour.
Don't want to deal with trying to communicate the day's plan in a foreign language.
REALLY don't want to chastise kids in a foreign language, only to get confused looks and smug "teacher, i don't know" in response.
Don't want to battle my boss for the overtime I'm supposed to get.
Fu-uck. Can I quit like three months early?

Quick update from the office at Tangwai school,where I teach 4 days a week. First, the happy: I just got accepted to the Post-Bacc Premed program at UVM. I have to confirm by April 15, so I gotta make up my mind NOW whether I want to live in VT or Boston. Boston sounds exciting, and I'd love a change, but honestly, I don't think I could afford it. Besides that, all my friends are in VT, including the very wonderful Briseur who offered to cook me meals every so often while I'm studying (what a sweetheart). Anyway, it's something I gotta talk to Jerms about, but it seems likely that I'll be prowling my home turf again come September.

And now the sad: I can't afford tix to go see my sister graduate or to see my friends get married in May. I am really super incredibly bummed about this, even though both of the parties involved have told me not to worry. Still, I really miss people from home. At my sister's graduation, besides my sister I would have been able to see my dad and grandma, who live thousands of miles away and whom I hardly ever get to see. At the wedding, I would have been able to see and hug some friends I've been missing dearly over the past 10 months, and to party with the brides and maybe have a 'W' and star trek marathon before their big day. And lastly, I miss gluten free bread! Rice is fine and all, but dammit, I want a sandwich, and developing countries aren't really known for their special needs bakeries. (yeah, i know, dumb first world problems)

Anyway, that stupid song signalling the end of lunch break is ringing through the halls, so I better finish this post.

Better update soon!

China is so confusing. There are a LOT of girls in Chengdu who look like American butches, seriously cute butches, but I don't think they are all gay. I know that women here have completely different ideas about gender than Americans, and tend to dress either garishly girly--like thigh high boots with black pantyhose and short shorts, tons of glitter and makeup, long hair and manicures--or they go completely the other way and wear flannel shirts, baggy jeans, cut their hair super short and wear no makeup at all. There are plenty of in-between gals too, but for yuppies, they are in the minority.

( Cut for blathering on about cute girls and cross-culture shock )


.

I'm trying to watch the Star Trek episode "the doomsday machine" (giant space poo!!!!) but dang it, Chinese New Year fireworks are blasting away like it's WWII in Dresden 1945. In the US, they tend to keep fireworks to open areas, over water, and other safe places, but here they light them off on every corner, all night, everything from sparklers to full blown 4th of July stuff. All the car alarms are going off. The poor cat has been hiding under the couch. Poor Jeremy is trying to sleep. I'm just trying to watch me some Star Trek. Despite the difficulties, it is kind of fun though.

I am too tired to really go about writing anything, but I felt like I should update this thing, so that I don't forget it exists.

Anyway, vague overview, hopefully to be elaborated on at some later date: Lots of emotions are swirling in my head right now and I that I can't make sense of them or make any decisions regarding their origins is making me feel like I ought to go back to the therapist. As a student, it's free, so the worst that could happen is that I waste an hour of my time once a week. I'm just not even sure I want to tell a therapist what I'm feeling and ask her what to do. Now feels like a 'playing cards close to the chest' kind of time, and even though a therapist is not involved in my life in any non-professional way, it would be scary to voice some of the thoughts that have been creeping in to my consciousness lately.

And I'm going to leave it cryptic like that because the whole thing makes a bad story anyway and I'd rather not put it into narrative form. And anyway, that is the therapist's job. I'm not even sure I have a narrative about it all yet, and that may be what is driving me to reconsider therapy. Narrative is at least some form of understanding, albeit a kind of shallow one. In lieu of actual resolution, at least I could think about it abstractly instead of feeling it directly once in awhile.

Blah blah.

I watched Star Trek and the X-files tonight and really had a good time! I had no idea that the X-files had such good writers! I think if I had time to add another obsession to my life, that could be a very strong candidate. And no, it's not just because I have a crush on an X-files fan (and Scully)...!

Now my cat is sitting next to me and purring, so I should stop writing and pet him for a bit, call him fat, and then lock him outta my room and go to sleep.

Oh man, I hate this week. I am really far behind with my finals. I just got my period. I am super distracted by thoughts of drinking and fucking and watching TV. AND it isn't over until Thursday! That is still so far away!
My sister and possibly Jeremy will be here before then, which will not help at all with the staying on task thing.
Ugh.

Argh.


Wah.


Why was I so stupid as to try to get a bachelor's degree? How is this going to serve me in anyway after it's over?

Sigh. At least Midol contains caffeine.

I am supposed to hand in a draft of a fifteen page paper on Turds-day at 1pm and I haven't even finished reading for it! Let alone developed a thesis or started writing! Yipes! I basically have to do it all tomorrow. Luckily I have a study date, which tend to work out better than trying to do work at my house...unluckily it is with somebody who is a little distracting, though she does a very good job trying to keep me on track. I just don't know if I can do it....I am a lamey mclameass who is no good at time management. i want alzheimer's meds and ritalin, stat!

Yeah, maybe not.

But still, I am quickly developing a coffee ulcer. Maybe I should switch to redbull and lorazapam (energy drinks make me have panic attacks). I don't know!

Astrology is interesting this week. i am digging this lunar-venus-jupiter conjunction. I feel more frisky and less crazy, and so far I think I have not said too many stupid things in public. I feel motivated and capable, despite the idiocy of not having done a single bit of work over thangsfrigging break!

Anyway, back to Vietnamese food and trying to read for homework and watch House at the same time!

explodings!

Oh shit guys, I just put my cell phone through the washing machine! i am going to need phone numbers again!!! I can't believe i did that, and right before going on a road trip! Oh fuck oh damn oh shit oh balls.

I am waiting for my mom to get home so that I can ruin her day with this little bombshell. :/

I just had to add this.

It snowed for the first time! And my shoes died today!
The heel is coming off one of them. This in addition to a big hole in the toe area. Tomorrow morning I have to go buy a pair of winter boots. I hate shopping for shoes. They are expensive and it's so hard to find shoes that aren't poofy or stupid or ugly or cheaply made. The winters here really require sturdy boots with a lot of tolerance for road salt.

No Uggs!!!!

Uugh. Bleh. I finally came down with something. my first of the season! No excessive boogerhead yet, but i have no energy, headache, and stomach blahs. I stayed home sick yesterday and for one class today, and i feel kind of guilty about it. It's so hard for me to relax, even when i need to! And I feel so pathetic just sitting around watching House and Nova. I hate TV! But I've been watching it pretty much all day! How lame am I?
I am also feeling mopey and lonely, and I REALLY want physical attention: hugs, smooches, backrubs, pats on the head, anything will do. I am really bad at being sick with a stiff upper lip. The lip is definitely in need of some starch.

Is that a mixed metaphor?

P.S. Arrgh, there is a fruit fly in my room!!! And a spider was on my pillow!!!

in honor of my dear dukeburger's request I am gonna post a pic of my Uhura uniform from halloween, but not tonight! I'm sorry! sleep is starting to happen without my consent right now! Tomorrow, i promise!

Wow, it sure is scary to read back over the entries from the spring before I went to China. I was completely fucking crackers!!!
I can say in all honestly that it persisted about a month into my time in China before the lack of toxic substances ingested (besides the food) cleared out of my system and I found a few of my marbles. Crying for real over Marty's death helped a whole bunch. I am still grieving about that in many ways, but I'll save that for another time.
ANYway, I guess I never wrote about it here, but apparently Paxil is one of the most physically addictive substances on the planet and I was having withdrawl! Boy, did I want to kill my doctor when I found out. So yeah, I am no longer on any kind of crazy anything. No pain meds, no evil antidepressants, no ritalin, no clonazapam, not even a cigarette!
Okay, I kind of lied about the pain meds. I decided not to keep getting prescriptions filled, but I do have a few remaining, kicking around my room somewhere. STILL. I have essentially stopped taking them. And by a few, i really mean a few--like three, maybe. I am still in pain, yes, I guess I just don't care as much that I am in pain. Good shoes and enough sleep also go a long way towards alleviation.
I just wanted to warn anyone who may stumble on to those older entries and think "wow, she's cracked. why do i want to hang out with her again?" Let me tell you: I AM cracked, but not quite so severely or obnoxiously at the moment. I am not carrying a torch for a dead relationship, I am not having a nervous breakdown because I repressed my grief, and I can honestly say for the first time in like 3 years that I am not even depressed....knock on wood!
I might even start meditating again!

OOOOOOkay. I'm back from the internet dead. I don't know what happened there. Oh wait, yes I do. I starting having regular sex! Funny how that keeps one from rambling on at all hours of the night about one's insecurities! Huh.

Anyway, long story short, no more regular sex! the sausage biscuit on my logic board moved back to boston. :(

We are still sexing when the geography is right, but for now I am back to wanking, physically and metaphorically, yes.

hello folks, spacebutt's back in town!

......that is, assuming a still have an flist?

I am a hangover. I am headache and heartburn and confusion. I am laziness and boredom and gurgly insides. I am an idiot.


But one of these days, I'll write a real entry. Just.....probably not today.

Oh yeah, and people in VT should call me if they feel like it. I want to hang out, but I'm suffering from the usual inability to pick up the phone and make a decision to call. I have a feeling this inability makes me a pain in the ass to be friends with, and for those of you who've suffered along with me all these years, thank you....!

has the writer's strike ended? why are they advertising new episodes starting in January? Are there scab writers? Because that sounds like a recipe for television that is even worse than the usual bollocks. I'm sticking to BBC documentaries on Netflix....